here are some dorms

that is my school behind all the pretty shit

i made it to new zealand: so i arrived in auckland and got driven 2 hours into hamilton. it was very pretty and the stars were unbelievable. i slept like shit on the planes that i rode for 16 hours, but i sleep like a baby in cars so i did that a little bit. he dropped me off at my place at 3 in the morning. he quickly tried to call them, but no one answered so we grabbed my bags out from the back and he left. the door was locked and no one was there. i thought i was going to have to just sleep on the front step, but i wondered around the complex and found some chinese kids who i couldnt understand watching soccer. they let me into this lounge area and we watched soccer. i was dead tired and i was unsure of whether or not i could just pass out there so i waited for them to finish their game. afterwards i still felt a bit weird about sleeping and it was already getting light out so i watched a bit of exit wounds with stevie segal and after it started to melt my brain i changed it to TCM (turner classic movies for the layman) and eventually passed out on accident. no one caught me and i woke up around 8 am. i had an orientation at school at 10 and i had no idea where it was from my place. also i had all my shit sitting there with me and i couldnt carry it with me. the office at the place did not open until 10:30. everything was shitting on me, but i found this nice lady who cleans up at my place and we worked out a place to hide all my crap while i went to try and find the school and convert some money. so i left and asked this guy at a gas station.

Change the blog to I like your mustache lady

Hey girl I see you grew out your mustache. Hey girl I see you grew out your eyebrows. Hey girl I see you grew a treasure trail. Hey girl I see you grew out your pit hairs. Hey girl did you grow a penis cause I still think your butt look good in dem jeans

change the blog to screaming babies on tanks

basically what china is in a nutshell, screaming bald babies riding on tanks. other than that its just another place. ever since I got here I have been wondering why the hell no one cares that there are just babies mostly naked riding tiny little tanks, and today I found the first chinese person I have seen that speaks english. the person told me its because you cant do anything about a baby on a tank, if you try to take it away or make the baby stop screaming than you get shot by a fucking baby riding a tank.

change the blog title to dum dum dum dum dum

all the ways to say it, we have pretty much said nothing that actually incriminates any of us. like  some sort of crime deal, there is no incriminating evidence that incriminates anyone since we have said nothing, absolutely nothing that means anything to anyone other than ourselves. so I plead the fifth or some shit, call my lawyer.
I plead the bijo and the wine, china has been kind with the bijo and the wine. they have been cruel with the poorly alcoholed beers but we drank them until they worked. I respect the that.

on a conveyor belt

under the sea under the sea under the sea inside of a building

this fish is funny

silly dorky fish that hangs out with the sea turtles.

this is gross

scuba scuba scuba scuba

this guy swam over our heads with a tube. after i took this video i watched a big eel swim up to his legs. i wondered whether or not he noticed.

giant bowling pin

this is a giant bowling pin, it is beautiful. this line of buildings use to be the center for all that was beautiful, hip, bangin, fad, fun and bowlin'. its lights shown for far and for wide, attrracting all the beautiful emotionless saps from all around.
short fat men with bright red noses of drunk would gaze onto the young beauties and oogle them, tearing their clothes off behind their emotionless eyes. the youth would smoke cigarettes and stay up late bowling till the sun came up.  bijo they did it.

sam, pretty colors

i stared at this for awhile. hope you do too.

sam, what a tease

so this is what i initially thought the aquarium was going to be like. i was hoping i would be like that happy white family in the corner: great white sharks, mermaids, smiling. i was all like "this will totally be worth the 14$ i paid for admission." and jake was like "totally." unfortunately there was not any of these things: sharks, mermaids, smiling, white people. all were missing on the day that we decided to go.

miss this squirt

Change the blog to dragon juice

This bottle of juice is what Sam and me drink to go blind and watch Bruce lee movies. It cost 90 cents. And taste like fire. 56% bijo. I find it to be the reason sam always takes off his clothes here, and tries to fight every little chinese girl that doesn't smile at him.

throw back

change the blog title to happy-go-lucky-wank-pad

1.) take mat down from the wall
2.) lay it somewhere nice, somewhere you feel comfortable
3.) drop your draws and sit your bare ass down on the mat (if your feeling ambitious remove all of your clothes).
4.) remove the magic feather that comes with every happy-go-lucky-wank-pad
5.) utilize the feather as you see fit. with practice maximal pleasure may be achieved. the first time may be tricky, but practice makes perfect.

sam, look at this little devil

gosh that is one magically delicious little dragon. i want to kiss it all over its big fat mouth. i want to scoop it up and carry it somewhere to drape its little legs over the front of. i could do it over the side of my coffee table so we can talk while i eat stuff. i could plop it over a chair so that we could have a tea party. i could drape it over the middle shelf of my fridge so that i have a pleasant surprise every time i have the urge to snack.

sam, sitting on his fat white ass

this city farts charcoal and burps up sewage. walking along, it rubs its putrid excrement across your face. its ok though, because china makes up for it with its obsession with making everything cute. you smell shit stink and see a little dragon with its tongue out. you step in a pile of throw up and see rosy red cheeks of a little chinese boy.

the chubby cheeks of all the children refuse to not shine rosy red. winter gives them no choice but to look like the cutest thing you have ever seen. oddly following all of these cheek pinchingly adorable cuties is for the most part an ugly beast of a person. i did not imagine the immensity of ugly people that would be in china.

its odd that every single beautiful child will inevitably have to face the ugly monster and sadly most of them will lose to it. the rest of them will look at me with disgust and wonder how the ugly monster could beat someone so badly into the ground.

change the blog title to dumpling nap

walking around in a big world of non-communication. from time to time one is forced to stumble into what for me is a sort of gut-wrenching mis-communication. everywhere you look there is a whole different language walking around isolating you and emphasizing you. without pointing at a car i am unable to communicate what a car is.

there are people and a lot of them, but they are not there for me in any sort of practical way. i cannot ask for directions or talk about the weather. regularly i would avoid doing those things anyway, but now that they are entirely inaccessible i feel a longing... not!!! it is just fishy. swimming in a sea full of fish that wriggle their fins to an entirely different tune. thankfully our fins can square dance to some degree so that we can negotiate minor transactions.

Trivia in a room full of people that dot know the Capitol of Alaska

That's a real thing. Anywho we are sitting at an Irish bar for ex-pats that work here at the international schools, all the teams except one couldn't answer the question "name the largest city in Alaska" and that is kind of ridiculous to me. The other night people couldn't name the president that was famous for saying "I am not a crook." anywho apparently everyone hates America and has no clue about its most basic information. I think if you are going to hate something, than you should know your enemy.
Other than the hot waitress and tequila shots I didn't enjoy the people tonight. Luckily hot waitresses and tequila shots make or an awesome night on their own.

Change the blog title to stand up shit down

We were going to go to this fancy food joint but the man at the door just stood in out way pointing at the fancy cars and yelling in Chinese, we figured he was saying since we don't also have fancy cars we were not aloud in there. Sam stole a plate of food and we ran away.

a night out on the town.

sam and I went out on the town.. we went out and made the best of it, walked from our house to the subway and took a long trip into the wonderful and expensive area where Americans and ex-pats are welcome. first we walked around through the neighborhoods, than we finally found the place I was looking for well trying to look like I knew where I was going until than where I actually know where we were. there is a great dvd store I know of and that is my land mark, we went there and looked around only to find nothing we were looking for, so next I took sam through the store to find a door in the back of the dvd joint and from there you are in the biggest market of bootleg clothing in Beijing, we weren't in the market for clothes so we aimlessly went up four escalators to where the food is, we ate it and enjoyed ourselves.

next we left and walked our self around trying to find this ex-pat coffee/book joint where people that speak English hang out and drink beer and coffee. when we get there there is some annoying loud and outgoing english dude trying to get us to play some trivia, we say yes and order drinks, well waiting we get some silly hollenders to walk over and ask us if we want to join there team cause they are also a small group of two. long story short we sit with them for three rounds when they leave, we try one more round and don't do very and sneak out the door asap.

so shit seems boring but take into mind that we are wandering through beijing, next as we were planning on leaving we see a strange chinese bar called rock and roll or something, we go inside and sit down to order drinks.. next some shit happens.. we start betting on t.v track and field. I win a bit and sam looses a bit. next a women walks on stage, she is beautiful and has a wonderful voice, next sam shits in a stand up shit down toilet cause I said he should do it and take pictures. he did. we drank a ton and when we left got ripped off on the bill. that is the end of my story cause the rest was a gnarly set of cabs, they were boring in words and exciting in experience.. heres the fun part.....

sam, o what a night

so this is from last night, unsure of what it really is. jake and i went into the city to taste the night life. we went to this bar full of white people and played trivia. these folks from holland teamed up with us and made us look sort of capable of answering questions. about half way through they had to go catch a bus so jake and i's trivia career came to an end. we decided to bail as well and thought about catching the subway, but instead went to the POWER HOUSE. the POWER HOUSE is a groovy bar that we had passed earlier and laughed at, because of its clever name and also the sweet rock guitar neon light that shined down from its entry way. so instead of a subway we were like lets POWER HOUSE!!!! and we went super saiyan and kicked the door in (aka this guy opened the door for us and made gestures towards a table). we proceeded to drink beer and fake bet on this sort of olympics thing on the television. it was running/hurdles events so we were basically at the horse track. the humans became horses. man and woman alike. transformed into beautiful stallions for our gambling entertainment. jake has a real eye for the winners (aka i got cleaned out). there was also this beautiful asian woman singing songs, jake has video and stuffs. the cherry on top is i stood up shit down in there weird floor toilets and documented with photos, which jake has as well. ill be chalking to you later.

sam, peep show

omg even cuter little mouth powered keyboard! got this from this little market really close to our place. jake showed me the way and the keyboard itself. it cost 2$ (boo ya). we also splurged and picked up some ping pong paddles/balls and played on our dining room table for awhile. it was a real spray (blast). gum ya later! p.s. note adorable bunnies on the keys!!!

sam, walked to a coffee shop with inadequate funds

cute little garbage can. its mouth was blowing in the wind. it is generally more common in the neighborhood where my mom lives to find this garbage cans more decrepit neighbor around. their mouths ripped apart or removed laying near by in the dirt. their stomachs broken open allowing their insides/garbage to spill onto the ground for the wild dogs to pick through or pee on. humans like to pee on the garbage cans as well. it is a turf war between the dogs and the humans. unsure whos winning, probably the dogs because they have the guts to eat what they pee on.

sam, feeling zangy and disturbed.

last night we went to this dinner shin dig with the elderly and some teen girls (WINKY WINK SCHWING). it was a sort of work get together for ellie and jeff, but kids were invited, even old ones like jake and i. unfortunately jake and i did not have the privilege of going and hanging out with the teen girls up in their room and instead were forced/thrilled to sit around this table and watch people talk. dinner was thai themed so we had some thai food and it was pleasant (lamb curry yall).

there was this old bird from new zealand named michelle who i had been sort of queued up to talk to because of her connection to new zealand and elementary school, both things that our becoming parts of my life. our conversations were brief because i am brief and we basically worked out that we would try and work together while i am here in china. i felt a bit uneasy about the setting and would surely have preferred to have met her personally, if you know what i mean, and talked about these things one on one, if you catch my squeeze, rather then at some old person wine party where my presence was confused and sort of unwanted, but that is life this life it just happened last night.

hey guess what! there was some other americans there. i always forget how refreshing an american squirt is until they are completely devoid. one was from new york and of little consequence, if you feel me, and the other was from hawaii. her name was bernie and she was very morose, this is initially how i realized her americanness. good old americans and there inability to stay optimistic for an entire conversation, if youll allow me to generalize, jk yall cant stop me. she liked fresh air like me, which i enjoyed hearing because jeff and apparently others really enjoy the heavy noxious fumes that make up the air here in china. we smiled about blue skies.

jake was there too. he was mostly silent. we laughed at my mom for having a slave. she laughed too.

check ya later foolies. call me (hhahhahaa you cant).

its dragon juice, so tell noah to shuv it

It is obviously different here, mostly cause it is old, smells funny and there are always fireworks going off at any given time of day or night. As you may have already read from my brother is that we went camping on the great wall, accompanied by the firewater he forgot to mention, (it has a funny name and cost about two dollars and is 110 proof) camping is a filthy sport up here in the dusty dirty china that is. putting yourself and others through what we put ourselves through is in its own form of sadism and masochism, with an obvious beauty we were able to experience in the middle, a sight not many people have been able to experience the way we did(sorry no pictures).

Before sam got here things were in the way of putting out the feelers and getting to know the lay of the land, also talking to jeff and ellies coworkers. Nodding and smiling, shaking hands and kissing babies when no one is looking. The new years have been the most memorable obviously, very big deal here. The video I posted here is of newyears at about 30 minutes to midnight, however the fireworks had been going on at not much less than you can see here for the past couple hours, it is a panning view of the window some 30 floors up, so you can imagine the 360 degrees would be pretty much the same thing all the way around.

not really knowing how to catch anyone up on the past couple weeks of me being here in the china's I can pretty much tell you now that sam is here, Good Luck China. that should be the title of this blog, but it isn't so tell noah to shove it, or cram it, cause I wrote something. Stay shabby internet. play ball. pass the rock. go for the hoops and have some fun, theres no I in TEAM but there is a ME. beat streat ain't got shit on me. tits up and ass down.

sam, guess ill keep trying.

so now i am actually writing in accordance to time. that last post was out of place. just some scribbles formulated into a thing.

it is my third day in china. i just returned from camping on the great wall. it was a very good way to start off whatever this journey is or will be. i love the great wall. it is the greatest thing i have ever seen and the second time around was no exception. it blows minds. go and see it.

this time around jeff, ellie, jake, and i went to this sort of deserted portion of the wall. we drove up and paid this guy to let us sneak in the back way. we then commenced to climb up the most obnoxious hill path ever with stupidly heavy packs. it was the most grueling exercise i have endured in quite some time. sweat and sat sweat and sat sweat and sat. hooray reached the wall. this part of the wall is covered in growth. dead trees/bushes grew out of the wall everywhere. this is not how i first played with the wall.

the first time i went to the cleaner touristy renovated side where there is no growth on the wall. both are great. mountains are all over and the view is consistently punching you in the stomach. you can just see the wall going and going and going and going. never ending. so we walked along the wall and found a little spot where the wall broke out. there was space on the wall for jeff and ellies love shack and there was space next to the wall for jake and i's bachelor pad. it was cold and getting dark, but we succeeded in setting up and eating before all that night thing happened.

we brought an immensity of food in classic mom form. she really likes making her children fat. loves it lives for it. our little fat faces chewing and smiling and laughing food bits out of our mouths makes her dreams come true. we were advised through gibberish chinese at the outset of our journey not to have a fire, but camping is impossible, especially in the winter, without a fire. so we said f that to the gibberish chinese man and built a little fire ring from debris stone from the great wall, no bigs, and had a little fire. boy was it dry up there, but we were careful and succeeded! flying middle fingers to the chinese, sorry.

we had some wine and chatted by the fire about a variety of thingy doo dads. college being stupid, jakes relation to that, my own, jeffs, mommy, who luckily never had anything to do with that bag of shit, sat there laughing at us. talked about family, she is really good at that. jeff talked about optimism, which he is very good at. we got a little buzzed up and reached that good old peak.

jake and i decided to climb up the wall a bit to check out this awesome overlook we spotted earlier. it is chinese newish year so fireworks are perpetually being launched and we could see a few towns from this part of the wall. it was magical watching these two separate towns launching mortars that we could make out. jake and i talked about our futures, it was nice. we are both very confused, but confident and hopeful. tried to explain my way of thinking a bit, he already knows so he just supported me and laughed a lot.

he surprises me with his sense of humor. it is one of my favorites. this is our blog so ill let him spit out a bit of our jokes if he is interested, i am not. you can imagine what it was like. getting bored of writing so the ending will be swift. slept like shit cause it was boombastically cold. jake is a great brother and made me warm while he suffered. woke up and all of our shit was frozen so we bailed. the walk down took a tenth of the time it took to get up.

the beginning of the trail was this old run down former hotel. tourists dont like grueling death hill hikes, cant blame em. the other wall has a ski lift type thing so you can wear your high heels on the great wall. YAY! WINK! HIGH FIVE! there was this really cool former pool/pond. wished i could have been there when it was a functioning hotel. there was also this pond with this beautiful bright green water plant all up in it. it was great to look down on from the stupid hill. the only real splash of color in the dreary snowless cold china winter. drove home, started siddhartha again. all our water had froze and jake and i had grown tired of eating ice so we finally reached a store and i drank a whole bottle of orange juice in one drink then casually drank water. ta da! i am back home in their beautiful house. video/pictures to come as well as jake flavoring. keep reading and write me if you want ;-P

sam, unable to figure out how he wants to travel blog?

here is some stuff:

i flew on some planes and now sit in this magic house in china. i am gone for awhile. unsure of how i feel about it. i told some people i was nervous about it towards the end, but i do not know why. i am was not nervous. there is a reason for this and it all has to do with my way of thinking, observe:

traveling alone seems more difficult and confusing than it actually is.

i was on a little plane and then a big one

why are these people standing in a line? they call out seats and besides the seats are assigned. guess ill watch them pretend it serves a purpose.

first class should be in the back of the plane so that when they are given priority to get off first they have to rub it in the faces of the commoners.

what is that guy doing? o he is eating an apple. wait. hes spitting bits of each bite into the little barfie bag. why?

why cant i ask for things?

yay free beer on 14 hour flights!

ooo the plane has purple rain on its goofy seat entertainer. i guess ill listen to it more then a lot of times and ejaculate on the seat entertainers face. thanks prince.

i never think of people i know, unless i try. confused why i try? does it change anything or have any significance?

my last trip to duluth was weirrrrrddddddddd.

i am a whore.

so when you board planes there is the person or persons who take your ticket and points. i wonder how chaotic it would be without them. what!? i have to count and consider what letter belongs to which seat?! mutiny! its all about time i guess. airports are like clocks. precise. without the magical guides people would ruin the clock. cause they are dumb.

airports are weird. you are mostly trapped. and their means of distraction is a bunch of expensive shit. expensive shit because you have no other choice. boost the prices for the prisoners!!! genius business plan.

women women women everywhere. o ya i am a pussy. guess i will just look once or twice and hope for eye contact and the potential of sharing a smile.

people are loony in airports and for good reason: watch prisons are hard to be in. too many parts relying on each other and too many people feeling like they are integral. i just go and watch it all fly around me. last on and last off. zoom zoom zoom.the clock is bigger than most people care to think.

i read the BFG a few times. this makes everything easier and more pleasant. thanks for imagination and beautiful simplicity.

this is my layover: eat bacon burger, watch people. walk all around my cage and familiarize myself with its entirety, surprisingly spacious, think about smashing through the window and running into the heart of toronto, do easy crosswords that are hard for me, find my favorite bathroom, poop in it, watch a pointless line and get on a plane. o ya. that reminds me. this security person stopped me and asked me if i had forgotten to declare 10,000$ i said i have 22$ we laughed and smiled, she was pretty.

joined the mile high club with my hand. felt lonely and pathetic!!!!